JOISY SHORE

From one extreme lifestyle to probably its exact opposite, I would like to take this opportunity to list my top 5 reasons why I love MTV's reality show Jersey Shore (slash redeem myself for using several hours of my father's monthly internet, streaming the show online, and subsequently having to explain to him what 'guidos' are.)

The show has become a cultural phenomenon, with gen Y kids everywhere fascinated by the situation under the Situation's shirt, the unfathomable carroty hues of Snooki's face, and Pauly D's gravity-defying hairstyle. It has inevitably garnered a lot of controversy, with the cast referring to themselves using the derogatory terms 'guido' and 'guidette'. Then there was the incident where Snooki was punched in the face by a frat kid in a bar, with many angry viewers calling it poor taste. (Ummm if we're going to talk about taste, why not mention the 'tops' that JWOWW wears - fabric necklaces, worn for 'vibin' in the club - or the casts' nightly drunken exploits which they often struggle to remember the next day?) So without further ado, here are the top 5:


5. The hilarity. The eight stars are willing to poke fun at their absurd lifestyle in promotion for the show - like this clip from Jimmy Kimmel in which the cast are featured as the characters from Twilight. The best by far = Pauly D as Jacob the werewolf, the worst = Angelina, she's boring.


4. The fashion. They are a sophisticated bunch, those kids from the Shore. With the boys favouring wife beaters and Ed Hardy T's and the girls teaming as little clothing as possible with as many false beauty items they can - fake nails, hair extensions, spray tans - the J Shorians are the cast of American Gladiators splattered with leopard print, acid wash denim and metallic lycra.


DJ Pauly D

3. The lingo. Where to even begin? This is a big one, it's almost a character in itself. Much of the dialogue consists of ridiculous acronyms, like GTL, describing the daily ritual of the cast members, gym, tan, laundry. Most of the J Shore jargon describes the cast's blissful lifestyle of partying and working out, or to describe potential pursuits of the opposite sex. Here are a few of my favourites:
Landmine = skinny, ugly female
Grenade = fat, ugly female
Vibin' = having a successful interaction with the opposite sex
Creepin' = stalkerish flirting technique
Juicehead = ripped, hulk-like muscle man


2. The premise. The idea for the show is that the eight cast members will spend the summer on New Jersey's Seaside Heights in a shared house, partying and getting in to all sorts of guido antics. But in an ironic twist, they must work in a T shirt store in exchange for their board. One of the house mates, Angelina, finds working in retail to be beneath her and after not turning up to her shifts, she is told she must leave the house and the show. This rule is rather odd, however hilarity ensues in the workplace, with Mike 'The Situation' creating women's underwear with the words 'I <3 the Situation' written over the butt, which prove to be mighty popular with the ladies.

The Situation and Snooki

1. The classiness. Finally, the main reason I can find to justify watching the show is that I feel so very good about myself after watching the despicable actions of the Shore crew. My favourite scene comes in season two when the girls are fighting with Angelina over the drama she caused in the first season. In a talking head describing the confrontation with the three girls, she claims, in a wonderful New Jersey brawl, that she is decidedly 'too classy' for all of this. Never has a word been further from its meaning.